Brainwashing attempts!!

I got a propaganda text today through whatsapp! It claimed that men who are not disturbed by wives (Kalam, Vajapayee and the like) have proved to be great leaders and lead the nation in spite of where they started their career whereas their women counterparts proved that they can disturb the nation because they do not have husbands. Interestingly, this text was shared by a strong woman who I respect! I was wonderstruck!

Why could she not immediately think of Mother Teresa and the like who could heal millions of people? What is stopping her from thinking of women who have lead the nations, corporates and successful families in spite of men?

I am thinking of all such brainwashing efforts made in the past! Starting from Seetha being sent to the jungle just because someone commented on Rama's judiciary system, there are several examples till recent movies and the whatsapp message! In 1970s, there were movies made to show that a woman who is not educated is a much better person than an educated woman; A decade after that, there were movies to show that working women are arrogant, they can't run a family well. The next decade saw movies that women can't run business; if they run, they are either stupid & arrogant or vulnerable to the villan's plots that a hero was needed to rescue them!!

Incidentally, I was watching a movie that said a good wife would serve the husband alcohol at home and she would search for his ex-girl friend and let him be with her for a day (may be more) in spite of the fact that their married life is very beautiful and it is very painful for her to let him be with another woman. Wow, the modern day representation of Nalayini!! Why there is no such attempts from a man to keep his wife happy? Does this mean that only men had a broken love? For every man who had to forego his love to get married to another woman, there is a woman who has lost her love, right? What happens to them? They can't choose to be with their ex-boyfriend, though the husband is willing to let her go  because the boyfriend wants her to come without the thali & the husband has a daughter to be taken care! Wow!!

Current century film makers have learnt not to comment on capability of women; it does not matter anyway!! All the heroines are beauty queens who would be liked by all men for their looks and ads portraying women as very weak willed who would drop everything and follow men just by the bikes they ride in or the deodorants they use! Sure, men are not going to stop their attempts to brainwash subtly. What are women going to do about this?

பேராண்மை!

எழுபது வயதிருக்கும் அந்தப் பெண்மணிக்கு. சற்றே கூனிட்ட முதுகு. வறுமை முகத்தில் வரைந்த வரிகளும் வயது வழங்கிய நரையும் எழுபது வயதைத் தொண்ணூறாய்க் காட்டின. வேலை வேண்டும் என அவர் என்னிடம் வந்த நாளை என்னால் மறக்க இயலாது! ஆயிரம் ரூபாய் சம்பளம் வந்தால் போதுமென்றும் அதற்கு என்ன வேலையும் செய்வதாக அவர் கூறிய நிமிடத்தில் என்னுள் இருந்த உணர்வுகளை எப்படி விவரிப்பது! உடல் கூனிய போதும் உள்ளம் கூனாத கம்பீரம். தன்மானத்துடன் வாழ நினைக்கும் அவரது துணிவையும் நம்பிக்கையையும் வியந்த அதே நேரத்தில் இந்த வயதிலும் கடும் உடலுழைப்பு இருந்தால் மட்டுமே ஒருவேளை பசியாறும் நிலையில் நம் முதியவர்களை வைத்திருக்கும் வலி உயிர் குடைந்தது! அவரை விட வயது குறைந்த என் தாயார் பணி ஒய்வு பெற்று எட்டு வருடமாயிற்று!

ஒரு வேலையும் வாங்காமல், மாதம் ஆயிரம் ரூபாய்களை அவருக்குக் கொடுப்பது எனக்கு கடினமானதல்ல. ஆனால் அவர் அதற்கு ஒத்துக்கொள்வதாயில்லை! அவரது கம்பீரத்தைக் களையும் அவப்பணி எனக்குப் பிடிக்கவில்லை. அதனால், நாற்காலிகளையும், கதவுகளையும், வாரத்தில் சில நாட்கள் ஈரத்துணியால் துடைக்கும் வேலைக்கு மாதம் ஆயிரம் என்று முடிவாயிற்று!  ஒரு மாதம் எளிதாய்க் கடந்தது. இரண்டாம் மாதம் வேலைக்கு வருவதில் சில சிரமங்கள் அவருக்கு - முதுமை அளித்த கொடை! இரண்டு வாரத்திற்குப் பின் வந்த அவர், இனி வேலைக்கு வர இயலாதென்றும் இப்படி விடுப்பு எடுத்தபின்னும் சம்பளம் வாங்குவது சரியில்லை என்று தான் கருதுவதாகவும் கூறி விடை பெற்றார். அந்த மாதச் சம்பளமாக ஒரு ஆயிரம் ரூபாயை அவரிடம் கொடுப்பது பெரும்பாடாய்ப் போயிற்று!!

அடுத்த ஒரு மாதத்தில், அவர் வலி தாங்க முடியாமலோ, அவர் போன்றவர்களை வறுமையில் வைத்திருக்கும் அவமானம் பொறுக்க இயலாமலோ, இயமன் ஒரு பேருந்து வடிவில் அவர் உயிர்பறித்தான்!! கொள்ளி வைக்கப் பிள்ளையில்லை! ஒரு வேளை பணம் இருந்திருந்தால் உறவுப் பிள்ளைகள் ஈமக்கடன் செய்திருக்கக்கூடும்! கூர்காவாக எங்கள் தெருக்களை காவல் காக்கும் அவரது கணவரும் தோழி ஒருவரும் மட்டும் நின்று ஒருவாறாக இறுதி மரியாதை செய்துமுடித்தனர்!!  வேறு யாரும் பெயருக்காகக்கூட, அருகிலில்லை! ஏனென்ற கேள்வியும், இனம்புரியாத வலியும் மனதில்!

ஒரு மரணம் ஒருவரை இப்படிப் புரட்டிப்போடுமா? தாடியுடன் எவரும் பார்த்திராத கூர்க்கா முகத்தில் காடாய் தாடி; நமஸ்தேஜி என்று புன்னகைக்கும் அந்த முகம் நிமிர்ந்து கூட யாரையும் பார்ப்பதில்லை! உணவு உண்பதில்லை!  இறுதிச்சடங்கு செய்த பெண், வருத்தத்தோடு கூறினார், "இப்போதெல்லாம் யாரும் கட்டிய மனைவிக்காகக் கூட இப்படி வருந்துவதில்லை! திருமணம் செய்து கொள்ளாவிடினும், தத்தமது திருமண பந்தத்திலிருந்து ஏதோ காரணத்தால் விலகி, இவர்கள் இருவரும் கிட்டத்தட்டமுப்பது வருடங்களாக ஒன்றாக வாழ்ந்தனர். இப்போது இப்படி ஆகிவிட்டது. கூர்க்கா இன்னும் எத்தனை நாள் உயிருடனிருப்பார் என்று தெரியவில்லை ". அதன் பின்னர் அவர் கூறிய எதுவும் என் செவியில் விழவில்லை! 

பிறன்மனை நோக்காப் பேராண்மை!! எத்தனை எளிதாய்ச் சாடிவிட்டுப்போகிறோம்! மனைவியைத் தினமும் தீக்குளிக்க வைக்கும் ஏக பத்தினி விரத ராமன்கள் எத்தனை பேர்! உணவில் உப்பில்லை என்ற உப்புப் பெறாத விஷயத்திலிருந்து எல்லாவற்றிலும் குறைமட்டுமே காணக் காத்திருக்கும் நக்கீரர்கள் எத்தனை பேர்! தன்னை விட அதிகம் தெரியக்கூடாதென்று, மனைவியின் தன்னம்பிக்கையை பல்வேறு உத்திகள் மூலம் குலைத்துப்போட்டு, கட்டை விரல் கேட்கும்   துரோணர்கள் எத்தனை பேர்! இந்திரன் பிழைக்கு மனைவியை கல்லாக வாழச்சொல்லும் கௌதமர்கள் எத்தனை பேர்! தான் மனதுக்குள் இந்திரானாய் இருந்தாலும், கண்ணகியாகக் கால் சிலம்புவரை கழற்றித் தரவேண்டும் என  நினைப்போர் எத்தனை பேர்! இவை யாவும் பேராண்மையின் இலக்கணங்களா என்ன? பிறன்மனை நோக்குதல் எத்தனை இழிவோ அத்தனை இழிவுதானே இவையும்!! இன்னும் சொல்லப்போனால், பிறன்மனை நோக்குவதற்கு இன்னொருவர் துணை தேவை - நோக்கும் பெண்ணின்/ஆணின் துணை தேவை! ஆனால் பிற குற்றங்களுக்கு இன்னொருவர் துணை தேவையில்லை! ஆனால் அந்த குற்றங்கள் எத்தனை எளிதாக மறக்கப்பட்டுவிடுகின்றன! அலட்சியப்படுத்தப்படுகின்றன! கூடா நட்பு கேடாய் முடியும் என்பதும் ஆறாதே நாவினால் சுட்டவடு என்பதும் நிகரன்றோ!

புலனடக்கம் என்பது எல்லா புலன்களுக்கும்தானே! தனது பேச்சைக்கட்டுபடுத்த இயலாதவர்கள், தன உணவுப் பழக்கத்தை மாற்றிக்கொள்ள இயலாதவர்கள், பிறரைக் குறைவாய்க்  கருதலாமோ? பொதுவாகவே தன் குற்றம் நீக்கி பிறர்குற்றம் காணும் பண்பு நம்மிடம் குறைந்துகொண்டே இருக்கிறது! வள்ளுவர்கூட, அன்புடைமை, இனியவை கூறல், நடுவுநிலைமை, ஒழுக்கமுடைமை அதிகாரங்களுக்குப் பின்னால்தான் பிறன்மனை விழையாமையை வைத்திருக்கிறார்! அரசியலில் ஆறாவது அதிகாரமாகக் குற்றம் கடிதலை வைத்ததன் மூலம் குற்றம் கடிதலின் சிறப்பை வலியுறுத்திய  வள்ளுவர் "வியவற்க எஞ்ஞான்றும் தன்னை" என்ற கருத்தை அதே அதிகாரத்தில் முன்வைக்கிறார்! உலகப்பொதுமறையை உலகுக்கு அளித்த தமிழ்கூறும் நல்லுலகம் கற்றபின் அதற்குத்தக நிற்காததென்ன?

Reflection on Karma Clearing Program - 3 years of attempt!!!

Three years completed since I started attempting the great "Karma Clearing Program".  When I started it on the 27th of September 2011, I was hoping that I would clear it in the first attempt itself like any other test I have attempted to; this was in spite of the author warning that in his many years of practice he has cleared it only twice. There was a bit of (no, a lot of) overconfidence in me that made me think like that!!

After two years of trying, the rules I was skeptical were no criticism and no expression of dissatisfaction. But, now I realize how these rules are interwoven. Modern psychologists talk about HALT - especially in "Addiction Recovery". When you are hungry, angry, lonely or tired it is very easy to feel depressed or tempted to consume alcohol or drugs; so they advice the patient to be watchful of the HALT state and resolve it quickly.  But if you observe the karma clearing program, the rules will get you into HALT state(s) and expect you to behave yourselves. It takes highest discipline not to express dissatisfaction and criticism when you are in any of the HALT states.

• The "One major meal a day" rule will make you feel hungry most of the time through the day.
• Any introspection will reveal the conflicting thoughts and feelings within you. That will easily make you feel angry at yourselves; you may easily think that others are causing you to feel those conflicting feelings if you are not careful :-)
• When you recall the day in reverse and observe your thoughts & actions, you are alone mentally even if you are middle of thousands of people. When you try helping someone without leaving a trace, you are trying to be alone.
• The "Arise Earlier" rule will make you feel tired because your sleep quota reduces and because of the physical activity you need to do in that one hour.

To be precise, you are in all states of HALT on each day and you are trying to recover from the addiction of expressing dissatisfaction and criticism. Please note, this does not mean that you should or can run away from your duties. If your role needs you to review and give feedback, you should without expressing your dissatisfaction and give the review in an objective manner! In professional roles, it is fairly easier; because, all of us know if we need work done by our peers, bosses, subordinates, clients, suppliers we can not express ourselves  as freely. We have learnt how to mask ourselves nicely.

But in personal roles it is very tough - especially with those who can do nothing for you, it gets even tougher!! Character is how you treat those who can do nothing for you. But if you think deeper, the moment you consider someone as small and be proud that you are treating them well, your character dies. You are only not expressing how you feel. This is mental garbage again! It will come out as dissatisfaction at some point in time! The only way is to consider every one equally and have no pride in doing so; better way to put it is, understand that all are equal and they are right in their own ways. I think, this is one of the two biggest realizations I got this year, the other being relationship between the nine rules and HALT.

In the last one year, I felt conflicted many times when the professional trainings expected me to give feedback at the personal level; it is in contradiction with what I am trying to achieve! Not only that, I had to work closely with someone who considers himself (only himself) as content & process authority and interested in giving constant feedback. So in addition to managing the anger generated by my own introspections, observations of my thoughts & actions, I had to handle the anger being generated by the constant feedbacks - sometimes meaningful, sometimes not! Hmm… it was and is tough!!

I can't say that there is major improvement in the nine-rule program in the last one year. I am still trying and feel it is worth keep trying till I succeed!!

Responsibility! Karunakaran Strikes Again!!

My God! There is one more topic matching! Responsibility!!  I sure want to meet this person! I was reading 11 Sep issue of Puthiya thalamurai today.  Karunakaran speaks about very same things I wanted to cover! The only differences is, I would have given examples from IT industry or coaching / teaching while he is giving examples from journalism. Given that we are working in two different industries, it is quite natural I suppose!

I have seen a few individuals who will just deliver what is written in their job description. They would even stay late to deliver what is required as per their JD. But, if it is not defined, even if it is the right thing to do for the welfare of the organization, department (sometimes themselves too), they will not do and they will simply reject saying, it is not for them to do. It need not even a complicated, high effort or high risk task; just not being in their JD is sufficient for them to refuse doing the task!!!

This has been a disturbing point for me! How do we make people add value and not just go by JD! Of course all the JDs / RACIs are quite useful in large organizations to avoid conflicts and ensure smooth functioning; but if the employees depend only on these tools, we would end up in "Operation success, patient died" situations. How do we make people respect the boundaries but still go the extra mile to deliver? Can this be taught how we teach programming? Is this teachable at all? Shouldn’t the organizations focus on recruiting individuals who would own the outcome instead of a piece of work? How do you assess this quality of interviewee? Not sure if psychologists have an answer for it!

In the 2008 Taj attack, all & each one of the Taj employees placed safety of the guests over their own. How could Taj do it while other organizations are struggling to make employees support customers - with something as simple as providing a user id to a legitimate user? Is it their century old conventions and wisdom? Not all century old organizations exhibit this behavior… Another organization with such heritage  I know, struggles to make their employees fix the production failure instead of fighting whether it is due to their applications or due to their hardware or due to the way someone launched the code!! Isn't it not bigger than the job descriptions and which department was at fault!!! How can we make people understand that their power lies in providing the service and NOT in denying the service!!! I am searching for my answers!!

Color Color What Color?

In one of the professional forums, someone shared a concept that describes organizational culture. It was an interesting concept to listen to for various reasons.

Red organization is the one that exercises power constantly with fear being the driving factor, Orange organization is the one that is constantly looking for beating the competition while Teal organizations focus on deep introspection sharing, consensus, and commitment to improve character and wisdom.  The person who shared the concept to the audience believed that it is an all new idea. More interestingly tried generalizing that India is Orange while US is Green, getting closer to Teal; also he believes that once an organization is Teal they would stay Teal ever after unless there is any life changing event. That is where the contention is!

First of all, it is not a new concept! If you study three 'Gunas' described in Indian philosophy, you can clearly see that Red and Tamasik are similar; Orange and Rajasik are the similar and Teal and Satvik are similar. Please note that they are only similar but not same because being Satvik is much more than Teal. For example, a Satvik person does help others because he thinks it is his duty to help; he is not proud of being helpful; he expects nothing in return!! Unlike the western management philosopher, the Indian philosophers felt that each one of us have these three gunas while we should constantly strive become satvik.

While Indian gurus recognized the impact of the environment and the people you interact with on your thought process and behaviors, they did not generalize that a community can be at one level or the other, because they understand that it is the quality of mind that gets expressed through behaviors!! India believes in continuous introspection and cleansing; if not your thoughts can become impure. It does not take a life changing event to switch from one level to the other - just different type of environment can do the trick unless you are very careful about your thoughts.

The most interesting part of the session is presenter believed that India could never have been Teal!!!  What surprises me the most is, someone who claims to be a researcher & more importantly preaches that each individual is to be treated as an individual, cultures should be respected has not done the groundwork before making such statement in a forum of professionals! How will someone orange have ethical standards defined even for war? While the focus is to be Satvik and not create unrest within self and others through thoughts, speech and acts (like war), there were ethical standards for war in case war becomes inevitable. Ancient Indian war ethics mandates that a warrior does not kill elders, patients, children, women and anyone who does not have an equally powerful weapon; even when you are fighting someone with equal power, no stabbing from the back; war is to be fought only when there is sunlight! Sure, a civilization that sells weapons to those who bomb schools, hospitals and places of worship can never understand these war ethics!

It is high time we Indians realize the fact that we have lost and losing our leadership edge by exhibiting behaviors of competitiveness & winning at all cost. While being ready to accept such generalizations is bad, not acting to strengthen our leadership qualities is a sin! The colonial era wanted us to be only clerks who would just execute the instructions; the next information era is slowly influencing us to create software that would execute the instructions. Of course, we should make use of the opportunities to strengthen our economical growth. But we should start thinking about solving our local problems. If we can write software to sequence the actions of robots in a factory, statistically analyze the sales, demand, supply etc., can we not write software that would analyze the data from our satellites & alert people on natural disasters?   I am more concerned with our education system than ever. Isn't it time for us to focus on leadership skills than just scores, thinking than memorizing skills problem solving than numerical abilities, technical excellence than just employability? 

It does not matter if someone calls us Red or Orange or Teal! What matters is how do we realize our strengths, develop & exhibit strong character and make our country a better place to live!  

Freeing up the (mental) space!

It is very interesting to see how freeing up space in the physical world appears to help freeing up the mind. Last weekend was my "clearance" time. After about a year or so, I decided to change gears and reclaim life!! Looks like once in a few years, I get into this mode and do a complete overhaul! Probably I am a true follower of Tholkappiar who said "பழையன கழிதலும் புதியன புகுதலும் வழுவல கால வகையினானே" (The passing of the old and the ascendance of the new are the unchanging order of time) :-)

I tossed several clothes, appliances, reference materials, notebooks etc. out! In India there is a festival for doing this. Every year on 13th of Jan, just a day before thanking the Sun God for all the good harvest, people toss out all old stuff, and refresh their houses with new items. In a few organizations, there is a process to review the documents & data for retention period and delete them as needed. In spite of all this, people keep stuff that are no longer needed. "We may need it at some point in time, especially the week after we throw the item out" is the view of most of the people I have met :-) they would call the chinese proverb that says "retain anything for seven years to see the real use of it" for help. Though I try to avoid this 7 year syndrome, I was not doing this "clearance" (please note, it is not cleaning up) for quite sometime now!

There were dresses I did not wear even once in the past several months… there were reference materials that I thought I would use sometime, but never even thought of those topics - leave alone the material! There were some tools and home appliances in the loft for the past 1.5 years! If I can survive without them for this long, I do not need them I thought! Wow… I got rid of about 30% of the stuff. I have one more weekend to go before I will be done with this!

What excites me more than acquiring the 30% more space is, I feel more in control! I could clearly see my  mind not thinking of some thoughts. It looked like there was some mental clearance too while I was doing the tossing business!! But more and more I think about it, this is more like the "cleaning up" we do - involuntary! Cleaning up helps; but then, for you to gain actual space, you need to do clearance! Is there a simpler way to do clearance and claim the mental space? I could not get a convincing answer even in "Kural" yet. Even the much talked about kural on "truth" also talks about cleaning (Purity of body is produced by water and purity of mind by truthfulness) but not clearance - may be both "மனத்துக்கண் மாசிலன் ஆதல் அனைத்தறன் ஆகுல நீர பிற" and " அழுக்காறு அவாவெகுளி இன்னாச்சொல் நான்கும் இழுக்கா இயன்றது அறம்." put together can give us the way for "clearance" - being away from jealous, malicious desire, uncontrollable anger, bitter speech - not only not expressing these but also not even touched mentally by any of the four can result in mental space being freed up! Hopefully, one day, I would achieve that!

"Chain" around the neck!!!

This is an article I have been thinking of since August. A few of my Indian colleagues and I invited our non-Indian colleagues for a dinner and get together. It was a beautiful evening with good discussions, Indian food and warmth. Discussions revolved around software engineering, corporate world and IT industry to start with;  the conversations drifted slowly into culture & its impact on behaviors/preferences  and then focus turned to Indian culture - naturally so, because the hosts were Indians and the rest of them (as coaches) had to deal with a large number of Indians… how invasions impacted India, how we lost our technologies, how diverse is the culture in India in food, art forms, dressing etc.

Then came the topic of this article. Why do Indian women have "pottu" or "Bindhi". All religious and social reasons were  discussed! My colleagues from the US were eager to know the significance of the red dot on the parting of hairline (வகிடு) They  were curious to know why many Indian women have and I do not have! I explained how I do not believe in that,  how my "pottu" style does not represent my family's religious association (I am a shaivite wearing long vertical pottu like vaishnavites), how lack of the red dot does not indicate my marital status  (I am happily married and very much with my husband); the only reason I have the pottu the way I have is, I believe I look good in that style!!! The discussion went on to how many cultures had some way or the other to indicate the marital status! The topic stayed on my mind and I was thinking of this article.

The article started running in my mind even more strongly since the recent wedding I attended… My aunt was very upset with me because I removed all the jewelry including the "thali" (necklace) after the function. I always removed all the jewelry when I am at home because, for me, they are all part of my makeup. I know, many elders did not like it because they associated that with marital status… I was thinking of the impact of "looking good" or "make up" on women and the influence of society on this aspect…

Why should the society care so much about how a woman dressed up? Is it not individual's choice? It is cruel to ask someone to remove "pottu" or "thali" just because her husband died; it is equally bad to force someone to have these because the husband is alive. These are both sides of the same coin… to make women believe that they dress up only for their husbands! Even in the western culture, women are encouraged to dress up to impress men! These are all expressions of male chauvinism…

Of course women also do not feel like dressing up for various reasons! They may be too depressed to dress up, or they may have outgrown their own internal need to dress up, or they may fear unwanted attention from other men because of "looking good" or they just do not feel like it… Men also have all these variations! But except for their immediate family members, others do not seem to be bothered about this. But when it comes to women, almost the whole world seems to be interested!

What is more interesting is, many women are conditioned so much by the expectations from the society. That is one of the reasons, why women spend so much time in shopping for their outfits, getting ready etc.. If you just have to buy an attire you like, or that would make you look good as per your standards / liking, it does not take more than 10-15 minutes. But unfortunately women are so influenced by all the conditioning that goes on, they spend days in selecting an attire! Even the so called "feminists" focus so much on women's dressing than the mindset changes! More interestingly, those who dress up for themselves too get caught in this trap at times!

How do we get women out of this trap, how do we change the mindsets & culture are the strongest questions running in my mind!

P.S

I generally had at least one day gap between writing and publishing articles as it gives me room for objective review. I was reading one of the August issues of "Puthiya Thalaimurai" only yesterday because I missed reading all the  August issues due to my trip to the US. To my surprise, there was an article by Pe. Karunakaran on the same topic of "thali"! More interestingly he had written the article about the same time I was thinking of writing this article! Who is he? I am curious to know why our article topics coincide often!?  I need to understand if there is a "statistically significant" reason to believe that there is a common factor!  :-)

The next article I am thinking of is about "Responsibility" -  how each one of has a responsibility, responsibility is just not same as job description, how easy it is to teach skills but not responsibility! I started thinking about this also sometime in August. The other thoughts  criss-crossing are about diversity, organizational culture and colors, how those who teach "individuals & interactions are more important than process & tools" can get into generalization trap, impact of not walking the talk. To be precise, I am thinking of these from 13th of August after a trainer made some incorrect, inappropriate  statements about a country/ culture & lost the audience and another senior person made a nasty comment about a country & lost the respect I had for her. Let me see if he has written about any of these in August or he is going to write on this topic in September!!

Feedback

In one of the trainings I attended recently, there was an emphasis on giving feedback. When you give feedback about what the other person should improve on, it would feel like a performance review; instead, if you describe what impact they had on you, both positive and negative then they will consider it in right sense was the argument made. Interesting I thought! I am really not convinced that this approach will work for all and work in all situations. What is more interesting is that I got this one-size fit all gyan from a training that preaches on the need to consider individuals more than practices

There are people who would like to look at the system rather than personal feedback; impact on you as an individual will not matter to them; it may even hurt their ego. There are a few others who get put off when you position your interests in front - they will also want a systemic view of the feedback or a feedback from their perspective. There are a few others who will not consider any type of feedback. But as a coach, you may want them to understand the impact and make them change their behavior; in such a situation, letting them fail and amplifying the pain could work better than giving the feedback.

More than all this, the person who gives the feedback should consider if their view is really correct, the feedback is needed for improving the situation. I am only thinking of Socrates who talked about three sieves to be used before spreading gossips. I think the sieves fit the feedback techniques too though they are not same as gossip!!!

பெரியோரை வியத்தலும் இலமே! சிறியோரை யிகழ்த லதனினு மிலமே!

மாட்சியின் பெரியோரை வியத்தலும் இலமே,

சிறியோரை இகழ்தல் அதனினும் இலமே.

இந்த வரிகளைக் கேட்டு வியக்காமல் எவ்வண்ணம் இருப்பது? அனைவரும் சமம் எனக் கொள்வது அத்தனை எளிதான காரியம் இல்லை! சிறியோரையிகழ்தலதனினுமிலமே என்பதைக் கூடக் கடைபிடிக்கலாம் ஆனால் பெரியாரை வியத்தலும் இலமே என்பதைக் கடைபிடிப்பது எப்படி என்ற கேள்வி முதலில் எழுந்தது. ஆனால் கவிதையை மீண்டும் மீண்டும் படிக்கும் போதுதான் கவியின் சொல் வீச்சும் கருத்தாழமும்  தெரிகிறது!

கவிதையின் முதல் வரி மிகவும் பிரசித்திபெற்றது. யாதும் ஊரே யாவரும் கேளிர் என்ற வரிகளைப்  பிரயோகிக்காத தமிழர்கள் உலகில் இல்லையெனவேகொள்ளலாம்! உள்ளூரில் இருந்தாலும் சரி, வெளிநாட்டில் வாழ்ந்தாலும் சரி, எல்லா தமிழர்களும் தம் வாழ்நாளில் ஒருமுறையாவது இந்த வரிகளைக் கையாளுகிறார்கள் !! சரி, முழுக்கவிதையும்  உங்கள் பார்வைக்கு இதோ!

யாதும் ஊரே யாவரும் கேளிர்

தீதும் நன்றும் பிறர்தர வாரா

நோதலும் தணிதலும் அவற்றோ ரன்ன

சாதலும் புதுவது அன்றே, வாழ்தல்

இனிதென மகிழ்ந்தன்றும் இலமே முனிவின்

இன்னா தென்றலும் இலமே, மின்னொடு

வானம் தண்துளி தலைஇ யானாது

கல் பொருது மிரங்கு மல்லல் பேரியாற்று

நீர்வழிப் படூஉம் புணைபோல் ஆருயிர்

முறை வழிப் படூஉம் என்பது திறவோர்

காட்சியில் தெளிந்தனம் ஆகலின், மாட்சியின்

பெரியோரை வியத்தலும் இலமே,

சிறியோரை இகழ்தல் அதனினும் இலமே.

எளிமையாகத் தொடங்கினாலும் ஒவ்வொரு வரியிலும் கருத்தாழம் கூடிக்கொண்டேசெல்கிறது! நன்மை தீமைகள் பிறர் தர வரவில்லையென்றால் எப்படி வருகின்றன? நியூட்டன் விதி போல பிறர்கின்னா செய்தால் தமக்கு தானே வரும் என்பது உள்கருத்து! அதைக்கூட நம்பிக்கையின்பாற்பட்டதாகக் கொள்ளலாம்! ஆனால் துன்பப்படுத்தலும் அது தணிதலும் அதுபோலவேதான் என்ற வரி இன்னும் ஆழமானதென நினைக்கிறேன். ஒரு நிகழ்வு குறித்து துன்பப்படுவதும் துனபம் தணிவதும் பிறராலா அல்லது நாம் உள்மனத்தின் தெளிவாலா?

இறப்பு புதிதில்லை, வாழ்தல் இனிதென்று கொண்டாடவுமில்லை! ஆஹா! மரணம் இயல்பானது, பாவத்தின் சம்பளமில்லை என்ற தெளிவு எத்தனை பெரியது! வாழ்வு இனிதென்று கொண்டாடாத அதே நேரத்தில் கோபம்/வெறுப்பினால் வாழ்வு இனியதல்லவென்றும் சொல்வதில்லை! அடேயப்பா! எத்தனை எதிரெதிரான கருத்துகளை ஒன்றுக்கொன்று முரணாமால் அடுக்கிச்செல்கிறார்! ஆற்றில் மிதக்கும் தெப்பம்போல வாழ்வுசெல்லும் என்று உணர்ந்ததால் புகழில் பெரியோரை வியத்தலும் சிறியோரை இகழ்தலும் இல்லை என்று முடிக்கிறார்!

சிறியோரையிகழ்தல்  அதனினுமிலமே என்பதை முன்னிலைப்படுத்தினால் யாவரும் கேளிர் என்பது கேலிக்குறியதாகிவிடும்! சிறியோர் என நினைத்தால் கேளிராய் நினைத்தல் எங்ஙனம்? பெரியோர் என்று மதிக்கலாம்; ஆனால் மலைத்துப்போனால் இயல்பாகப் பழக இயலாது போகலாம்! அன்பு ஒளிந்துகொள்ளும்; மாறாகப் பணிவு நாடகம் அரங்கேறும்! பெரியோராய்ப் பார்க்கப்படுபவர் நம்மைச் சிறியோராய்க் கருத நேரிடும்! கேளிராய் நினைத்தல் இயலாமல் போகும்! இது தவிர, "வியவற்க எஞ்ஞான்றும் தன்னை"என்ற தெளிவு இருந்தால் மட்டுமே மற்ற இரண்டும் கைகூடும்! இல்லாவிடில் இது ஒரு வெற்று வேடமாகவோ அல்லது கர்வத்தின் மூலகாரணமாகவோ முடியக்கூடும்.

அதுமட்டுமில்லை புகழ்பெறுவதும் பெறாமற்போவதும் வெளியுலகு சார்ந்தது. புகழ்பெற்றவர் எல்லோரும் அறிவுடையவர் என்று சொல்வதற்கில்லை! அறிவில் பெரியோர் சொன்ன கருத்துக்களை உணர்ந்து தெளிந்ததால் மாட்சியின் பெரியோரை வியத்தலும் சிறியோரை இகழ்தலும் இல்லை என்று கூறிய கூரிய அறிவை வியக்காமல் எப்படியிருப்பது!!

அடேயப்பா, பாட்டின் ஒவ்வொரு வரியையும் கடைபிடிப்பதுடன், வள்ளுவரையும் சேர்த்துக் கடைபிடிக்கவேண்டும்! எண்ணிப்பார்க்கையில் மலைப்பாகத்தானிருக்கிறது!

God and Hawthorne Effect

I was reading about Hawthorne Effect - a psychological experiment done about 65 years back. Though there is a lot of debate about the validity of the study and skew in the study, it is an interesting study. One point that struck me was about the effect of perceived attention on the productivity.

Is there a God has been one of the questions I was trying to find an answer for quite long. Corollary is, if God doesn’t exist why would the civilizations come up with such a concept. Almost all civilizations have this concept though the depiction of characteristics of God varied around the culture prevalent in the respective civilizations.  But one thing is common across all depictions of God… that He is omnipresent and He observes everyone and everything! This is the point that strikes a chord with Hawthorne effect!

There can be real attention given to the employees or it could just be a perceived attention. Either way, it has an impact on the way they behaved! Even if God does not exist, even if it is only a perception, the concept can have the same impact on behaviors of people. When you are conscious that someone is observing you all the time, lets say there is someone sitting next to you , the way you behave changes. (It is the same aspect all the call centers capitalize on! When you call them, you would hear them say that the call will be recorded for quality control reasons etc… that is for you to behave properly with their staff J ). If the observer is someone who you respect, care for then the behavior is at its finest form.  After all, all civilizations wanted fine behaviors from everyone. That explains why all of them have a concept of God!!! Of course, definition of fine behavior varies from culture to culture and person to person too.

Hawthorne effect also talks about dip in productivity after a certain period of introducing a change to create the perceived attention. That is why probably there is cadence set in many religions to reiterate the concept ! Corollary is answered! But the main question is still open because  real attention and perceived attention can create the same effect. Is there God? I am still searching… 

கீதையின் கண்ணன்!

பாரதியைப் பிடித்ததாலோ என்னவோ, சிறு வயது முதலே கண்ணனை எனக்குப் பிடித்தது! கண்ணன் கீதை சொன்னதால், என் பெயரில் கீதை உள்ளதால் பிடித்ததோ என்னவோ! குறும்பும் உற்சாகமுமாகத் திரிந்த கண்ணனின் கதைகள் பள்ளிப்பருவத்தில் ரசிப்புக்கு உரியவையாக இருந்தன. கடவுள் திருடலாமா என்ற கேள்வி எழாமலில்லை. ஆனால் அதையும் மீறி எதிரிகளை எதிர்ப்பதிலும் நண்பர்களுடன் விளையாடுவதிலும் உற்சாகமாக ஈடுபட்ட கண்ணனை, தனது முடிவுகளைத் தானே எடுத்த கண்ணனைப் பிடித்தது.

அலைபாயுதே கண்ணா என்ற பாரதி பாடலைப் பாடாத கேளாத விழாக்கள் விழாக்களே இல்லை என்ற அளவுக்கு பாரதியும் கண்ணனும் எங்கள் பள்ளியில் கோலோச்சினார்கள்! கோகுலத்தில் ஒரு நாள் ராதை கோபத்தில் ஆழ்ந்திருந்தாள் என்ற பாடலுக்கு அபிநயம் பிடிக்க ராதையாய் மேடையேறினாலும், கண்ணனாயில்லையே என்ற கவலை ஒரு வாரம் இருந்ததின் காரணம் கண்ணன் மீதிருந்த பிடிப்பா அல்லது கண்ணனாய் மேடையேறிய, என்னைவிட  ஒரு வயது சிறிய ஹேமா என்னைவிட இரண்டங்குலம் உயரமாயிருந்ததா என்று இன்றும் எனக்குத் தெரியவில்லை :-)

ராமனைப் போல கண்ணன் யாரையும் தீக்குளிக்கச் சொல்லவில்லை என்ற ஒரு காரணமே கண்ணனைப் பிடிக்கப் போதுமானதாயிருந்தது அடுத்த சிலவருடங்களுக்கு. பல பெண்கள் பின்னால் அலைந்தவன் என்ற குற்றச்சாட்டு காதுகளில் ஏறவேயில்லை! ஒருவரைப் பிடித்துவிட்டால் அவர்கள் என்ன செய்தாலும் சரி போலும்! பாண்டவர்களை, முக்கியமாகத் தர்மனை வெறுத்தேன்! ஆனால் திரௌபதிக்காக போரில் தந்திரங்கள் செய்த கண்ணனை ரசித்தேன்! அர்ஜுனனுக்காக அவன் மீது கொண்ட நட்பால், அத்தை மகனென்ற பிடிப்பால் அவனுக்குத் தேரோட்டினான் கண்ணன் என்பதை தீவிரமாக மறுத்தேன்! திரௌபதிக்காக, திரௌபதியே போரிட்டிருக்கலாம், போரிட்டிருந்தால் நன்றாயிருக்கும் என்று நினைத்திருக்கிறேன்! அவளுக்கு ஏதோ காரணத்தால் முடியாமல் போக, அவளுக்காக அர்ஜுனனனையும் இன்னபிற வீரர்களையும் வேலை வாங்கினான் கண்ணன் என்றேதோன்றிற்று!

வேலைக்கு வந்து மேலாளராகி அதன்பின் மென்பொருள் செய்யும் வழிமுறைகளைப் பிறருக்குக் கற்றுத்தரும் நிலைக்கு உயர்ந்தபோது, போரில் ஈடுபடாமல் போர்செய்யும் உத்திகளைக் கற்றுக்கொடுத்த கண்ணனை ஆச்சார்யனாகப் பிடித்தது! பக்தி, கர்ம, ஞான யோகங்களைப் பற்றிப் படிக்கும்போதும் கண்ணனைத்தான் பிடித்தது! காரண காரியம் கருதாது தீவிர பக்தி செலுத்தும் மனநிலையும் எனக்கில்லை, கேள்வியெழுப்பாமல் எதையும் ஏற்கும் மனநிலையும் எனக்கில்லை - அதனால் பக்தி யோகம் வாய்க்கவில்லை! ஞான யோகம் வேண்டுமாயின் ஆத்மவிசாரம் செய்யும் திடமும், நுண்ணறிவும் தேவை. கருத்தைச் செயலாக்கி, அதன் விளைவைப் பார்த்தால்தான் ஒத்துக்கொள்ளும் வினோத மனம் என்னுடையது! அதனால் கர்ம யோகம் ஒன்றுதான் சரிப்படும் என்ற முடிவுக்கு வந்தபோதும் துணைக்கு வந்தது கண்ணன்தான்!

தேவகி போல ஏழு பிள்ளைகளை ஒன்றன் பின் ஒன்றாகச் சாகக்கொடுத்த வலியை  அனுபவிக்க நேர்ந்த போது, கண்ணனை மகனாய்ப் பார்க்கத்தோன்றிற்று! எல்லாக் கண்ணனும் மகவாய்த் தெரிந்த காலம் போய், எல்லாக்குழந்தையும் கண்ணனாய்த் தெரிந்தது!

கண்ணனைக் குழந்தையாய், காவலனாய், காதலனாய், ஆசிரியனாய், தோழனாய்ப் பார்த்த பாரதியைப் படித்ததால் இப்படித் தோன்றுகிறதா என்று யோசிக்க யோசிக்க, என்னைப் போலவே பாரதிக்கும் கண்ணனைப் பிடிக்கும் என்பதால்தான் பாரதியையே எனக்குப் பிடித்ததாகப்படுகிறது! ஹ்ம்!

Didn't I take help from teachers!

I was thrilled to hear so many different perspectives from my readers - who are also very good friends of mine - on my article series on help and my article on schools, teachers & parents . Guess, only friends can drill you like this :-)

I have tried answering their questions here. Am sorry if this article looks / reads more like the official reply mails you guys are used to than a blog post!!

The questions are:

1. Did you not have a bad teacher at all? Did you not go to a bad school at all?
2. You have mentioned many teachers in your articles. Have you ever met them in the recent past to convey your regards to them, do they even know that you think of them so much?
3. Did your teachers give you same kind of support ? in other words, were supportive all the time as if they were spoon feeding you?

4. Why do you care so much thinking about them?  Till about end of your teens, you may listen to your teachers, your teachers may play a role in your lives.  Are you stuck in your teens, by any chance?!? (Wow!!)

5. You have taken so much help and support from your teachers, school and parents. Taking help is not new. Why is it hard for you to accept help?

Here are my responses:

1. I sure had bad teachers; not so cruel as described by Pe. Karunakaran in his article. But these teachers did not know how to connect with students, did not consider imparting knowledge as their responsibility. There was a maths teacher who never touched a chalk in the class! There was another maths teacher who wrote down from her notes even if there were glaring mistakes like 1=0!! But those were exceptions. They were not my role models. In such scenarios, I resorted to other teachers who will teach me properly. I went to a school that was not as supportive as my favorite school. They even tried forcing me how do I pray, whom do I pray to. I was stubborn on how and whom do I pray and won at the end!! I think that school gave me the strong will to fight anyone for my cause!! Sure, I agree if I had to go to this school before my favorite school I may not have had the confidence to fight them!

2. I have mentioned about a few of my teachers in my articles; all of them know that their names are mentioned in my articles (of course if they are alive). They have reviewed and approved the content to be shared that way (a couple of them are my readers too!).  In fact everybody - teachers or others - referred to in my articles know the reference and are ok with the content. Only exceptions are Pe. Karunakaran, Director Mahendran, and Artist Manohar  Devadoss. In these cases the reference is to their articles that came in magazines!! Every single role model teacher who taught me knows how much I respect them; I have not written about all my favorite teachers yet. But they know! I visit them or call them even now! With most of them, I have the proximity to visit them any time of the day!!! With some of them even unannounced :-)!!!!

3. Not all my teachers were similar in the way they gave me guidance. Same teacher did not give the same kind of support all through. None of my role models tried spoon feeding me, even if I tried to get spoon fed!! They all know when to support, when to push you to your own solutions. Some times they pushed me and some times they pulled back. I think, it comes with their instincts!!

4. Wow! I was taken aback with this question! I do not believe that one needs a teacher only till end of teens! I do have my teachers even today! not because I am trying to pursue higher studies; even otherwise I have my teachers. They may or may not work in a school or college as "teachers"; but they teach me valuable lessons in life!! I believe they play a significant role in all our lives. Like our school teachers, they also instinctively know when to support and when to push. In the recent past, I got a critical lesson from one of my teachers that influenced my life a great deal. I am only thinking of the poem by Christopher Logue when I think of him… the poem goes like this… 

'Come to the edge.

We might fall!

Come to the edge.

It's too high!

COME TO THE EDGE!

And they came,

and we pushed,

And they flew. '

I did not want to go to the edge! I was stuck gazing at the sky, wanting to fly but without any move! On his support, I moved inch by inch towards the edge and finally flew! Of course, it was scary to move, the path was rough, sticky and smelly… many times I felt I should run back off the edge…  but then, the final flight is worth the effort and pressure! Without that careful push, I would not have even fluttered forget about soaring high! I wish you would change your attitude towards the support you can get from your teachers!!  I truly believe, I am what I am because of all of them! Each one of them!

5. This is an interesting aspect I was not thinking about! Hmm…  If I got support from all my teachers and schools all through my life  (from first standard till today), if I accept that the village I grew up helped me learn what I learnt and openly acknowledge all these, why am I finding it hard to accept help! May be all the help I got from my teachers were available to all the students, nothing specific for me and that is why I did not feel uncomfortable or may be because, I did not ask for it but it was given! I will introspect and post it a later point in time!! I will be glad if someone can help me find a convincing reason for this!!

சுயம்பு!!!

கிட்டத்தட்ட, நான் "சுயம்பு. Is there anyone" என்ற கட்டுரையை எழுதிய அதே நேரத்தில் தான் திரு. பெ. கருணாகரன் அவர்களும் தனது மண்ணில் முளைத்த நட்சத்திரங்களை எழுதியிருக்கவேண்டும். நேற்றைய புதியதலைமுறை இதழில் பள்ளிகளை, ஆசிரியர்களை பெற்றோரைக் குறித்து எழுதியிருந்தார். என் கட்டுரையின் களமும் ஆசிரியர்களும் பள்ளியும் என் பெற்றோரும்தான். நான் குறிப்பிட்ட அதே விதத்தில் தான் சுயம்பு என்ற சொல்லைப் பயன்படுத்தியிருந்தார்.  ஆனால் அந்த கட்டுரையில் தான் எத்தனை வேதனை! சுயம்பாய் எவரும் உண்டோ என்ற தொனியில் நான் எழுத, சுயம்பாய் வளரும் வலிமை எல்லோருக்கும் வாய்க்காது என்று அவர் எழுதியிருக்கிறார்!! 

ஒரே கருத்து, ஒருவருக்கொருவர் பரிச்சயமில்லாத (அறிமுகம் கூட இல்லாத) இரு வேறு மனிதர்களால் ஒரே நேரத்தில் ஒரே வார்த்தையை மையமாக வைத்து ஒரே நாணயத்தின் இரு பக்கங்கள் போல எழுதப்பட்டிருப்பது மிகுந்த ஆச்சர்யத்தை அளிக்கிறது! எனது பள்ளியின் மேன்மையைக் கொண்டாடும் அதே நேரத்தில் அவர் விளக்கும் பள்ளிகளை நானும் உணர்கிறேன். 

கட்டுரைகளின் சாராம்சம் ஒன்றுதான்! தனி மனிதனின் வாழ்வில் பள்ளிகளும் ஆசிரியர்களும் பெற்றோரும் ஆற்றும் பங்கு அளப்பரியது! நம் ஆசிரியப் பெருந்தகைகள் இதை உணர்வது மிகவும் அவசியம். வேறு வேலை கிடைக்காததால் ஆசிரியப்பணி ஏற்கும் அவல நிலை மாறி எழுத்தறிவித்தவன்/எழுத்தறிவிப்பவன் இறைவன் ஆகும் என்று உணர்ந்து செயலாற்றினால் என் கட்டுரையைப் போல ஆசிரியர்களை, பள்ளியை நினைத்ததும் பெருமிதத்துடனும், அன்புடனும் மனம் கசிய எழுதப்படும் கட்டுரைகள் மிகும். அதுவே சிறப்பு மிகுந்த சமுகத்திற்கு அழகு!!

Metrics!!

One of my friends runs a site that allows people to share any of their life experience as long as it is women centric. In a focused group meeting to increase the traffic to this particular site, there was a suggestion to highlight the top three articles read by max number of people in the home page to help the visitors to understand what kind of site is it.

I was a silent observer in this meeting because my experience with UX design and marketing is very limited! However something inside me was not convinced because of a few unrelated articles in the site. Though the initiative is all about leadership development, there are also articles on some unrelated topics only because they are all either written by women or there is at least one woman involved in that experience.  It is pretty much like my blog, where I write on topics that represent my ideals, my reflections and my experiences. The only connection between articles is they are all my experiences or views.

So I decided to review the 'performance' of my top three articles to understand if they truly reflect what kind of site is my blog. I took a look at the stats provided by google from the time I started writing blogs. To my surprise and as an answer to my unconvinced feeling, I found two out of the top three articles to be no where close to what I am.

The top most blog is "Can Drum stick grow in a container?".  This is my first ever blog and only one of the two blogs I wrote on gardening. I am not an expert gardener and this article is not a good representative of what I write on. Second top is my reflection on life "Duryodhana vs. Yudhisthira" and is a good representative though it was only a momentory thought I never remembered to follow. The third article is "பயமின்றி வாழும் கலை". This is also a not a good representative of what I write on. This is one of the first few articles. Because I did not know what to write on, I picked up a random article that came in a magazine around that time, wrote it in my style with a few additions from my observations on the translation! I was neither dealing with my own/ anyone else'  fears nor reflecting on the feeling of fear in general!! If the article I read had triggered any thinking about fear, this blog post would qualify to be a representative. this one is a mere translation! 

Hmm… This is another proof that metrics can mislead and/or drive wrong behaviors if not designed or captured carefully!

Accepting help gracefully

Some time back, I wrote a series of articles on Pain. Looks like, now it is going to be "Help". The difference as of now, I was replying to a friend of mine in the earlier series; in the current series, it is my own surprise realization! It started with Tuesdays with Morrie; continued with கடன் பட்டார் நெஞ்சம் போல்; latest in this series is this article!!

I was applying Maruthani (Mehandi / henna) last week . On the first day I applied it on my left hand and the next day on my right hand. While doing so, it suddenly struck me that I was more comfortable on the first day not only because my right hand knew how to apply perfectly but also because my left hand knew how to position itself and move fingers in such a way that it becomes easy for the right hand to apply. My right hand had tough time adjusting the fingers to enable easy application of the henna. I am a right hander!! My right hand could not get pampered because of its inability to accept help!! Hmm… 

Since recognizing this, I was wondering if it was only me who felt this way with accepting help. Today, I decided to write on the topic - can we accept help at all without feeling reduced. After writing the above paragraph, I just looked up the net to see if anyone else had difficulty in accepting help. Wow! There is a whole lot of people who felt it the same way!! The most interesting one was on wiki how! When I read this blog I was pleasantly surprised that I was thinking quite a number of points mentioned!! There were shockers too!! Interesting read!

சுயம்பு! Is there anyone!

There was an interesting article that talked about how men attribute their success to their skills while women attribute it to the help they got from others - family and friends, colleagues, opportunities given and even luck.

When I look back, while I acknowledge my strengths and abilities, I too feel that the support, guidance I got from all my mentors played a larger role in my life and the surroundings I grew up with helped me learn what I learnt.

I grew up in a small village with about 500 families in southern Tamilnadu - a typical Tamil Village that had a temple in the center with roads running parallel, and a river flowing in one side of the village . A place very close to the western ghats, with opportunities to enjoy the beauty of the clouds crawling over the blue mountains, trees that showered abundant flowers! Such a safe place that my parents did not have to worry about me and my friend spending our time under the big sacred fig tree (அரசமரம்) outside the temple or Jasmine tree (பன்னீர் மரம்) in the sub-registrar office making bouquets out of the grass flowers & tree jasmine flowers… This village had a library at a walkable distance, very close to my school - for that matter every thing was at a walkable distance and there was nothing much to worry about safety of girl children. My school had a library too. It was a perfect setup with less distractions - way too less distractions than that were present in a city!

Life was moving at the right speed! There was something to work on every day! There were monthly tests for all subjects, quarterly, half-yearly and annual exams and a series of competitions all thru the year - in recitation, elocution, essay writing, quiz, hand-writing - all  in both Tamil & English;  and all fine arts like dance, vocal (all forms classical to folk), handicrafts, sewing etc. !  All of these set of competitions were conducted on various topics by different organizations - school had its own set of competitions, Trust established by Poet Bharathi's family, Trust by old students, Vivekananda Kendra, Thiruvalluvar Kazhagam, District Science Center repeated the entire set of competitions on topics suitable for their objectives. This made me comfortable with public speaking, writing, celebrating the victories, failing in spite of best efforts and performance,  accepting failures gracefully while taking victories as a stepping stone, helping others handle their failures without feeling guilty for winning them; more than all this I learnt about a huge varieties of topics that were needed for life. I learnt to enjoy different art forms, subjects and life as a whole!

Sports was also part of the curriculum. I enjoyed Kho-Kho and tennikoit  with interest but played other games like Kabadi, volleyball, shot-put, javelin, discus throw etc. just enough only to clear the tests!

Every week, there was one period dedicated to literary association, moral instruction and cultural activities, in which students planned, managed, presented the whole event. The events were organized in the typical "school day" format - starting with a prayer, welcome address, presidential address, association progress report, dance, song, speech, skits, puzzles, quizzes, vote of thanks and national anthem. students played as MC, key note speaker, president of the event and conducted all cultural items. It taught me how to plan for an event, conduct an event, how important are backup plans and of course different dimensions of team work.

Can I say, only my efforts, intelligence and ability taught me all these? Of course there were students who did not use these opportunities, my will & ability made me grab these opportunities. But can I say it was only due to me! I had opportunities to be with wonderful teachers, I learnt quite a lot from them about subjects and life!

My first mentors are my parents! They lived a simple life and helped me learn all that is needed for life. I remember going to post-office  at the age of seven to buy stamps, inland letters, postal cards etc.. I started buying daily vegetables around the same age. I was learning without even knowing that I am learning. when I was 9 years old, I started going to banks for getting the withdrawal slips, updating the passbook, submitting the cheque book requests on my parents' behalf. I remember the bank staff used to make me repeat what I want multiple times! I used to think that they do not understand and developed patience to explain multiple times… later I realized that they were enjoying a small girl (I was shorter than my age girls and looked like 7 years when I was 9 years) asking for such stuff :-)! Many of my classmates did not even know these terms even at the age of 20!

I wanted to learn Indian classical dance. There were no classes in my village. The only option was to travel to a nearby town that was about 20 kms away. I was eleven years old. Not many kids of my age traveled alone in buses those days. My parents let me do it with a carefully designed KT plan :-) the first weekend my parents came along with me, next weekend I traveled with someone following me without my knowledge as a fall back, from the third weekend I traveled alone. As a next step, I traveled to places like Coimbatore and Chennai alone. Now I can travel alone to any part of the globe! Of course I was bold enough to venture into this but they wanted me to be independent. I know many women of my age, my economical, social, educational and professional background,  who cant even travel 50 kms alone! I don’t know if I got this ability only because of my own boldness!

None of my dreams and ideas were rejected as ridiculous or stupid even if they were. I experimented with a plant, watered it with blue ink mixed with water to see what my science teacher taught me was right. I had a glass bottle with layers of sand, gravels of different size, soil and water and waited for it to become a rock! I was 8 years when I did this! Every morning I checked this bottle and complained to my mom and dad that it is not changing to a rock! They both were science teachers, they could have just told me that it would take millions of years for a rock to be formed this way and it needed a lot more  pressure; the water I had on top of the bottle will not be sufficient. But I would have forgotten the lesson!

Not only that, I when I chose computer science as the main subject in graduation, there were no known safe professions for women in India for computer science - at least, it was not known to my circle of people. My parents could have forced me into other subjects or into teaching profession! So I do not think it was only due to my ability to take a risk based on whatever I had read about computers from the magazines and newspapers! It was also due to my parents' care to give me the freedom to experiment!

I agree that it took effort, courage and will from my side. Without that they could not have taught me all this. I did not learn to swim and ride a bicycle in spite of their efforts to teach me these skills; I could never overcome my road fear and fear of drowning & choking. While I recognize the importance of my own abilities and effort, I am hesitant to attribute my successes only to myself!

Recently one of my colleagues described how he learnt everything on the job! His experiences were pretty much like mine! But he was attributing his learning to his abilities more than what I would have done! May be, our brains are wired differently and the article is right in generalizing it based on gender!!!

கடன் பட்டார் நெஞ்சம் போல்

கடன் பட்டார் நெஞ்சம் போல் கலங்கினான் என்ற சொற்றொடர் குறித்த தகவல்கள் தேடினால், கடன் கொடுத்தவர்கள்தாம் கலங்கி நிற்பதாகப் பல்வேறு கட்டுரைகள், கவிதைகள் வலைக்களம் எங்கும் கொட்டிக்கிடக்கின்றன! ஒருவேளை பணத்தைக் கடனாகத்  தந்தவரின் பெற்றவரின் நிலைகள் இப்படி ஆகியிருக்கலாம்!

நன்றிக்கடன்பட்டவர் நெஞ்சங்கள் பெரும்பாலும் கலங்கித்தான் இருப்பதாகப்படுகிறது எனக்கு! கடனின் (உதவியின்) அளவு அதிகமாக அதிகமாக இயல்பாகப் பழகும் உரிமை இல்லாமல்தான் போய்விடுகிறது! அதுவும் காலத்தால் செய்யப்பட்டதாயின், வீரியம் இன்னும் அதிகம்!

கடன் வாங்காதீர்கள்! கடன் இட்டுநிரப்பும் வசதிகளின் சுகத்தைவிட கடன் வாங்காத சுதந்திரம் தரும் சுகம் அதிகம்! பொருளோ உதவியோ, கடன் வாங்காமையால், உங்களிடம் இல்லாத வசதிகள் நீங்கள் கடக்கவேண்டிய தூரத்தை நினைவூட்டுவதாகத் தொக்கி நிற்பது நிறைவான நிம்மதியான இயல்பான வாழ்வு தரும் என்றே எனக்குத் தோன்றுகிறது!

பொதுவாயில்லாத உலகப்பொதுமறைகள்!!!

மழித்தலும் நீட்டலும் வேண்டா உலகம் பழித்தது ஒழித்துவிடின்! உண்மையாகவா! இது அனைவருக்கும் பொருந்துமா என்ற கேள்வி எழாமலில்லை!

கண் தெரியாத ஒருவர், பிறர் தன் மேல் மோதிவிடாமலிருக்க ஒரு விளக்கைக் கையில் எடுத்துச் சென்ற கதையை நாம் அனைவரும் அறிவோம். விளக்கேந்திய பார்வையற்றவரைப் போல, பிறர் தன்னைக் கிழித்துவிடாமலிருக்கத்தான் கைம்பெண்கள் பலரும் வெள்ளாடை அணிந்து, தலை மழித்துக் கொண்டனரோ? பெண் விடுதலை எவ்வளவோ முன்னேறிய பின்னும் தன்னை சிறையிலிட்டுக்கொள்ளும் பெண்கள் இன்னும் எத்தனை பேர்!

உலகப் பொதுமறைகள் உண்மையில் அனைவருக்கும் பொதுவானவைதானா!

விளக்கை எடுத்துசென்ற பார்வையற்றவர், விளக்கு அணைந்து போனது தெரியாமல் தொடர்ந்து சென்றதால், ஒருவர் மீது மோதிவிட்டதாகவும், விளக்கு கையிலிருப்பதால் கிடைத்த தவறான பாதுகாப்பு உணர்வு தன் எச்சரிக்கை உணர்வைக் கெடுத்துவிட்டது என்று குறை கூறியதாகவும் மற்றொரு கதை உண்டு!! இதற்கு என்ன பதிலுண்டு வாழ்வில்!!